Piece of the power pie

The battle raged between the two Punan women. Each wanted her piece of the “power pie.” Each mother wanted the other’s child to become ngiban.

Ngiban is a central theme in Punan culture. Whoever moves into an in-law’s home becomes ngiban – the one who moved – for the rest of their lives. It is the Punan ideal that all of one's children marry and bring their spouses to stay with them in the parents’ home. The grandparents will then raise the grandkids and the parents of the grandkids do the work. While this sounds ideal, in reality it can make child rearing a confusing mess. Many times the grandparents raise the children to be spoiled brats. This does not make ideal marriage partners – thus the many divorces among the Punans. The divorce rate is nearly 100 percent. However there have been no divorces among the believers.

The issue is control and since the couple may stay with either set of parents the power struggle begins early in their relationship. A mother may threaten suicide to force her child to end a relationship with someone she doesn’t like.

Hiden and Paron are an excellent example of the heartache ngiban can bring. Their marriage seemed doomed from the beginning. Hiden was the only son of one of the dominant families in the village. His father was ngiban – because he had moved into his mother-in-law’s home and now Hiden’s mother had the final word in the home. Though Hiden heard the Gospel at a very young age, he rejected the Truth and basically grew up to be a spoiled brat.

He married Paron when they were both young but his excessive drinking made the marriage miserable.

As time went by and Paron did not conceive, Hiden’s mother demanded that the couple divorce.

After marrying again and divorcing that wife, Hiden, still a selfish, spoiled man, wanted to remarry Paron.

However, since the divorce, Paron had become a believer. Because of this the church elders discouraged the idea of remarriage but Hiden was adamant.

Missionary Dave Searcy’s solution was to go to Hiden and present the Gospel message once again. Hiden listened and came to understand the Gospel of grace and its life-changing power.

The Gospel transformed Hiden into a new man and he began to grow into the husband Paron had always wanted.

Still there were problems with remarriage since the mothers began an intense struggle to determine where the couple should live and who would control the couple.

Finally, united in Christ against all obstacles, Hiden and Paron did remarry. Their lives became a tribute to God’s life-changing power.

Several years later, God gave them a sweet little girl named Kesi. This was a miracle from the Lord for this couple who had waited so long for a child.

Today, Hiden is one of the church elders and Paron is a vital part of the Punan Bible translation team.

The Gospel has changed Punan lives – parents, grandparents and children. This is one of the greatest changes that the Gospel has brought to the Punan people.